Wife: So? How was it? Terrifying?
Husband: No, it was amazing! Totally different than I expected. I got completely lost in there and had to feel my way out .
Wife: Holy crap, that sounds like my worst nightmare.
Husband: But it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced — it made my whole body feel completely different, and blind, without any sense of direction. You have to blindly wade through, groping around in an orange latex wonderland, with no sense of direction. I mean you go in there thinking you know where you’re going, what you’re doing, and then you just necessarily get lost. Just lost! I mean, you feel so vulnerable. It’s so powerful. Emotional.
Wife: Everything makes you emotional. This thing sounds like hell to me, though. Blind? Directionless? Seriously?
Husband: Well, yeah — it’s just like a giant ball pit, like at Chucky Cheese’s. You liked those when you were a kid, right?
[Wife looks off, shrugs]
Husband: What?! You didn’t like ball pits?! What sort of a sham kid were you?
Wife: No, no I didn’t. I hated them. Felt like I was drowning. Spent my entire time having fake fun, whilst frantically searching either for the floor of the pit or the quickest, most unembarrassing way out. I hated ball pits. Please tell me Martin Creed’s balloon room does not feel like that.
Husband: It feels just like a ball pit, only the balls go all the way over your head. [raises eyebrow antagonistically]
Wife: [shudders] So, it’s like being under water? Really deep water?”
Husband: Yep, just like that. [laughs, at her].
Wife: Well great, that’s just freaking great. I hate deep water. Shit. I hate going under water. Hate feeling like I have to test me old lungs for a bit, and call it fun. How the hell am I supposed to write about this thing if I can’t even go in the gallery to see it? Thanks, Mr. Martin Creed for your great big room fulla balloons that make me feel blind, directionless, and sort of like drowning. Awesome — cheery, buoyant masochism. F-U-N. How’d he get clearance on this thing? I mean, isn’t everyone completely claustrophobic in a room shoved full of balloons?
Husband: Nope. It’s awesome. I almost cried.
two days later
[Wife, holding child, claws madly out of gallery filled with balloons, escapes to the other side of glass wall, breathless]
Bystander: Oh, did the baby get scared in there?
Wife: Uh… yeah. Terrified. Almost cried.
also by Lucia Simek
- Public Art is Winning! - May 22nd, 2014
- The Contemporary Austin Names a New Firestorm Fixer - May 21st, 2014
- Giant Camera Wins Giant Prize Purse - May 20th, 2014
- The Met Opens its Digital Vault - May 19th, 2014
- Goss-Michael Foundation's Associate Director Named Juror for ArtPrize - May 19th, 2014