Laura Lark Loves You #5: Nagging Back Pain?

Trust me–authorization isn’t the thrill it’s made out to be.

Dear Laura Lark,

I’ve noticed that gallery employees give me dirty looks whenever I go into the dark recesses of the back room. What gives? Their attitude is ridiculous, and what is the difference between an art gallery and a tee shirt shop?

Signed,

Michelle S., Dallas

Dear Michelle,

When I first read your question, I thought you were either the most ridiculous imbecile I had ever come across and needed a chaperone for even a trip to the Kwik-Stop, or you had been sent  by my boyfriend’s bitch of an ex to waste my valuable time. Then it occurred to me that I have for quite some time visited, shown in, and written hate mail under an alias to many, many art galleries, and the problem here is one of perspective. It prompted me to recall the times when I was on the other side of the fence—when I was so intimidated by frosty dealers and their employ that I could barely take in the art what with my shaking and self-consciousness.

With that in mind, I came up with a few things that I know now that I didn’t know then.

a)    Art galleries are public commercial venues, just like tee shirt shops–like the Gap. I once wandered into the back of an art gallery and an employee scowled at me. I once wandered into the back room of the Gap and an employee handed me a stack of super-skinny low-rise jeans, 24 long, and told me to put them out on the floor and straighten out the pile of casual V-neck pullovers near the entry. Both were kinda irritating, but the people at Gap bought me Arby’s for lunch.

For 10 bonus points: Which image is the back room of the Gap and which ones are installations by Justin Lowe, Alexandre Singh and Jonah Freeman?

b)   Years ago, I looked at the not-so-friendly gallerina or gallerino and thought, “Stuck-up asshole! How’s that minimum wage workin’ out for ya?” Nowadays, as the not-so-friendly gallerina, I look at you, the unannounced back room visitor, and think:  “You’re interrupting my meaningful tasks of filing and wrapping really expensive wax paper on this abstract drawing that I’m pretending to like but really think is stupid.”

Please! Don’t rob us of the notion that we’re better than you–it’s literally all we have!

c)  Now, unfortunately, I also look at you and think: You’re probably not here to buy art, as most collectors make arrangements to visit in advance, and you’re certainly not here to buy MY art, so I already hate you.

It’s so hard to disabuse oneself of the notion that artwork which is neither edible nor “Scratch ‘n Sniff” is simply begging to be roughed up.

d)    You’re in the back room of this place where I work and you’re rifling through the racks and you may well damage a piece and I’ll be held responsible and I don’t make much money, so replacing something, even at cost, is really gonna suck some major ass. That’s one sentence. If you read it aloud quickly, and with enough anxiety-drenched panic in your voice to indicate a need for high levels of street grade Xanax (much more effective than the boring, prescribed time-released crap) you’ll get the full effect here.

But this is after some time in the trenches, Michelle. I think your confusion is justified. I no longer think your question is stupid; in contrast, I think it’s quite valid.

I don’t think there are any hard and fast rules. I guess you might approach it  as if you’re a guest in someone’s home. If you are invited into the living room to see the lovely wall-to-wall plush Karastan carpeting, it’s not difficult to imagine that the living room  (in this case, the exhibition space of an art gallery) will be prepared for your arrival. The state of the bathroom devoted to old, wheelchair-bound, carbuncle-ridden Uncle Chip (the back room of aforementioned gallery) could be another story. Anticipate the invisible but implied  STAY OUT THIS MEANS YOU sign that you might once have plastered on your own bedroom door as a sullen teen.

Like every venue, including a tee shirt shop or the Gap, the owners are there to make money. You could use that and the previous example as general guidelines, but like all rules, there are many exceptions. Some gallerists are, quite simply, nicer than others. Some gallerists have inflated ideas of themselves as harbingers of culture, status, and class, and despite the fact that they’re still driving their mothers’ beat up Gremlin hatchbacks, will see you as beneath them.

Damned dirty gallery employee! Damned dirty gallery denizen!

Think about the nation’s economy. Think about how essential a four foot sculpture of some self-important artist’s weiner is for the average home. I think you get the picture. Your behavior might be a problem, but their behavior could be problematic as well. My Lord! This is a dilemma worthy of the United Nations! Let us all walk a mile in one another’s shoes! Can’t we all get along?

If not, the booger you just smeared on that Rauschenberg might make it more valuable. Not that I condone such behavior.

He might well have encouraged such an action!

Love, Laura Lark

P.S. The other night, my boyfriend Doug and I were lying around on our plush, wall-to-wall Karastan carpeting looking up the true meaning of “irony” in the OED (RIP David Foster Wallace) when we were made aware of the many disgruntled detractors on Laura Lark Loves You #4: Following the Rules. I read these with pain and dismay. Doug shook his head and said he wished that people didn’t feel the need to be so hurtful.

 

 

 

 

 

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4 responses to “Laura Lark Loves You #5: Nagging Back Pain?”

  1. Dearest Laura,
    I was talking with a fellow artist and friend the other day. Very very talented, intelligent, and possibly slightly bitter because local galleries have failed, as of yet, to vouch for this artist’s work, and totally taken out of context, they say to me that “the Houston Art Scene is too nice”. General context would suggest people who don’t deserve success are getting it too easily. My question three-fold: Is it possible for an art scene to be too nice? What are the real drawbacks of a friendly art scene? and is there such a thing as “street cred” in the art world other than the bullshit we tell ourselves or others if in fact we are all just puking out dreams and nobody is getting shot over it?

  2. P.S. not all artists can write and make great visual work as well, like you, so I apologize for the poor sentence structure, bad grammar, and misspellings.

  3. Dear Laura, I accidentally found myself in the back room of a Houston gallery. There was someone else back there, presumably just another art enthusiast poking around like me, and we got into a very pleasant conversation about all the interesting things on the shelves and leaning up against the walls. After I left a friend said, “Do you know who you were just talking to?” I didn’t. It was Nancy Reddin Kienholz! My advice to Michelle in Dallas, keep going to the back room! Love Heidi from Houston

  4. Best ever!
    You reference Gremlins AND dfw, the riter not the hell-hole I call hell-hole-home.
    Thanks for your comments!
    AlbertOmaha

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