Dictators Looking at Art II

Bise LAA6 Dictators sm

“Art that cannot rely on the joyous, heartfelt assent of the broad and healthy mass of the people, but depends on tiny cliques that are self-interested and blasé by turns, is intolerable.”

also by Michael Bise

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2 responses to “Dictators Looking at Art II”

  1. Glasstire running out of things to write about?

    1. Charles! How can you zay zat? Look at zat quote! Do you zink zat ze art vurld is comprized of tiny cliques of zelf interested gatekeepers? Do you zink zat vat is popular and “valuable’ is determined by ze “joyous, heartfelt assent of the broad and healthy mass of the people”?

      Perhapz zis question cuts to vat zos silly fools vut zay is ze heart of ze problem. At least zis is vat I zink zat Robert Hughes ze art critic vould zay. Zis is prezizely vat he dealz viz in his film ze Mona Liza curze vich you can watch for free here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JANhr4n4bac
      He zayz ze zame in his film “ze New Shock of ze New which is also available for free here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HmHLIVsx658

      I can tell you zat ze ztupid average man on ze street zinks zat contemporary art is a joke unt a scam. Vut a fool! Do you zink zat ze Jeff Koons ist zuch a great artist because ze everyman zinks zat it ist great art? Look at ze latest article, ze first one in ze google news list about koons, about his recent zale. http://www.cnbc.com/id/101676661

      Now, letz zee vat ze everyman zinks, letz look at ze mozt popular commentz:

      Mr Batman zayz unt 6 like his comment:

      “He ripped off DarkHorse by chroming one of their toys and get’s the better part of 20 million? My collection must be worth a hundred then!

      Still a di&k, though.”

      Gary Anderson zays zis, unt zix more agree:

      “It is proof that the wealthy are totally divorced from reality. There are two more for crying out loud.”

      Steven Burgos and vife ozers zay:

      “Koons, you hack, you thief!”

      Ze vazt majority of ze comments were zimilar to zese. For many people ze kind of work zat Koons makes ist representative of ze contemporary art vorld.

      Zey zee it as a scam unt as ze joke but ve all know zat zey are just too ztupid to zee how deep and meaningful zis stuff is.

      Now you muzt ztand up and zay, “NO, ze contemporary art vurld is NOT run by zelf-interested elitists who jump on ze bandwagon at ze firzt zound of music unt follow ze pied piper into a hollow den of darkness bobbing zer head “yes”, “yes”, “yes” because everyone elze zeems to be doing it.”

      You muzt zay “No! You are wrong! Zer ist lots of deep philosophical meaning to putting dead animals into tanks of formaldehyde! No! It is not a symbol of ze degradation and hollowness of modern culture!

      You must zay “zer is no vay zat ze artists who get attention are ze vones who are gut salezman and know how to make ze friendz viz ze right people and gut zalesmanship unt gut artistry don’t alvays go hand in hand.”

      Unt most importantly you must look America in ze face unt zay loudly “ZER IST NO NEPOTISM IN ZE ART VURLD!”

      Zay it a million times! “SUCCESS IN ZE ART VURLD IS BASED ON ZE QUALITY OF ZE VURK UNT NOT ON NEPOTISM AND SHARED ZTUPIDITY!!”

      “CHRISTOPHER WOOL IS NOT A HACK! HIS VURD PAINTINGS ARE EXTREMELY PROFOUND UNT HE DESERVES ALL OF ZE HONORS UNT ZE MUSEUM SHOWS UNT ZE RICHES ZAT HE HAS BEEN GIVEN!!”

      You know, zer are a lot of ze mizunderstandings about me. I veel zat I have to clear zem up again and again. Unt yez I have zaid it a million times but I have to say it again. Yez, I am responsible for the death of millions of people but it vas an accident! I vas at an important meeting viz all of ze movers unt der shakers of mein day unt ve vere eating frankenkraunzenbrenvinbrillers undt talking politics. I vas listening to Her Goring prattle on about zis unt zat and I took a drink of mien juice to vash down a bite of strudel. The juize was vile! It vas rotten! It was the most horrible, disgusting juize zat I hat ever hat in mein life and I haf very sensitive bowels unt zer is nozing more destructive for weak bowels zen rotten juize! It vas gagging on ze juice and ze strudel unt so I slammed my hand down on ze table und screamed out “Ve must get rid of ze juize!! It will invade und destroy mein colon!”

      Before I knew it, six million Jews ver dead and ve had invaded Poland. I vill never talk viz mien mouth full again! Voops!

      I veel zat my views on art are also very mizunderztut. I feel zat I have never been given credit for mien art. I vaz a lot more progressive zen people zink. People point to mein dravings und mein vatercolors und zey say zat zis ist mein art. Nien! Zey ver only ze beginning!

      I vaz actually very modern.

      I created the largest artist group in ze vorld! Ve vere very ahead of our time! We created art on all levels! Architecture! I redesigned ze Berlin!

      Fashion! Have you ever seen our uniforms? Can you say ze vort”fabulous”?

      Graphic Dezign! Talk about brand recognition!

      Zer Performance Art! We did large performance art pieces viz marching soldiers und ze cheering people und hand waves!

      Graffiti! Ve put Banksy to shame! “Oh, look at me I am ze Banksy unt I hung one of mein paintings in ze art museum wizout ze permission cause I am so cool”. Dummkopf! I emptied entire museums and hung whatever I wanted on the valls vizout permizion!

      You zink you invented ze anti-advertising graffiti? Are you kitting? No one did anti-advertising graffiti like I did! Ve shut down entire stores unt spraypainted on ze INSIDE walls.

      Video Art! Ve had a whole team of people vorking on making video art about our art project.

      Curating! Ve filled museums! Ve picked art from here unt zer unt promoted ze artists zat ve liked.

      Ve had artistic vision unt taste! People say “oh, ze NAZI’s were just rich people pushing their artistic taste on everyone else and manipulating ze art vorld. Do you zink ze art market iz different today? Ve vere all about ze art! Ze Zird Reich was ze vorlds largest art movement! It vas all about making our artistic vision a reality! Ze NAZI party vas the vorld’s largest art group! NAZI stands for Naturalist Artists Zeroing In.

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