Last week Texas Monthly published an inoffensive little doodad titled “Ten Texas Artists to Collect Now.” We should know better than to let these kind of things drive us crazy, but sometimes we can’t help it. These lists are bunk. They’re baloney. They’re horseshit. Here’s why:
1. Because there are only two artists on this list worth mentioning.
2. Because even though someone is successful in their day job, it doesn’t necessarily follow that they’re good at making art. In fact, it almost never does, especially when they sound like the kind of people who drink bulletproof coffee and are considering microdosing as an efficiency-boosting regimen.
3. Because listicles that mention Miley Cyrus.
4. Because listicles that mention the Foo Fighters.
5. Because listicles that mention the Hotel Saint Cecilia, ground zero of The New Cruelty (a.k.a. apathetic service from insufferable hipsters surrounded by phony “eccentric” furniture; a.k.a. Which One Of You Boogie Nights Kids Do I Need To Bribe With A Dimebag To Get My Goddamned Breakfast On Time).
6. Because real artists study and work on this stuff their whole lives, and it’s insulting for them to be confused with Sunday painters.
7. Because art should not be judged from the perspective of what would look hip in your uptown townhouse. Some of the best art you wouldn’t want in your home.
8. Because if you want to go shopping for some decoration, just buy something from Restoration Hardware.
9. Because it forces us to be assholes about some of these nice people’s terrible art.