Pervy Nude Statue! Wholesome Teen Stars! Creepy Dallas Sex Shop!

Daniel Edwards, Justin and Selena As One, 2011

              ACT I – SCANDAL!

Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez are now immortalized in a nude sculpture to be displayed sometime in September at New Fine Arts, a notorious adult superstore in Dallas. This arrangement is generating national coverage – NBC’s Today Show, Fox News, Huffington Post, San Francisco Chronicle, Perez Hilton – but was first reported by our friends at the Dallas Observer. It’s terribly exciting and horribly immoral and I have dreamed of this day.

It sounds evil and this pleases me, except the figures in this sculpture are not actually nude. They are wearing loincloths in the shapes of a Canadian maple leaf and a Texas Lone Star.

Tame. Lame. Half-assed. Scandal overblown and undeserved. Do it or don’t do it, but don’t take a coward’s road then call yourself dangerous.

Sculptor-poser-publicity-seeker Daniel Edwards previously made headlines by making a statue of Britney Spears giving birth. He has a stable full of gross, amusing statues of famous people, and it seems to be working effectively in getting lots of press for Mr. Edwards. Awesome, dude, you are somebody.

ACT II – CELEBRITY!

I Don’t Know Who Justin Bieber Is

I watched this video almost all the way through and got creeped out that he is sexable to anyone at all.

 

I Don’t Know Who Selena Gomez Is

She is from Grand Prairie. She performs in Dallas on August 31st, so this publicity is not exactly bad news for her. Frankly it makes me suspicious. Do not trust American youth.

 

Michelangelo, David, 1504

ACT III – EMBRACING THE PRIVATES

Badboy Artist Unafraid to Sculpt a Phallus: Michelangelo

Badboy Artist Unafraid to Sculpt Superhuman Genitals:  Paul McCarthy

Badass Collectors Unafraid of Giant Biblical Genitals as Lawn OrnamentHoward and Cindy Rachofsky

Comparison: New Fine Arts vs. The Rachofsky House

New Fine Arts: “Justin and Selena As One” by Daniel Edwards and an assortment of sex toys and pornography I am scared I will accidentally touch

The Rachofsky House: “Apple Heads” by Paul McCarthy and an assortment of priceless contemporary art I am scared I will accidentally touch

Conclusion: Porn is mainstream. The Rachofsky House is more dangerous than the three New Fine Arts locations put together.

 

 

ACT IV – THIS SEEMS FAMILIAR

Didn’t we just have a teen idol named Justin last decade? That turned out well.

Betsy Lewis is a writer who lives in Dallas and eerily resembles the lady half of “Apple Heads.”

also by Betsy Lewis

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2 responses to “Pervy Nude Statue! Wholesome Teen Stars! Creepy Dallas Sex Shop!”

  1. Wow – just looked up “Monument to Pro-Life: The Birth of Sean Preston”. Just…WOW.

  2. That’s fucked up. But I lovet the dick in the box part….

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